Some SHITTY items you can buy for your family!
Christmas is just around the corner.
Get back at every ass-hole that ever bought you socks as a gift.
Make this holiday season special, piss off your loved ones and purchase these shitty products!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Penis-man's Secret Identity Is Uncovered -- And you will never guess who it is!
Penis-man's secret is a secret no more. Fox news reported yesterday that Penis-man's true identity is that of Billionaire Playboy Finis J. Cockenfeller III.
Cockenfeller, who inherited billions after his parents were slain at a circus, could not be reached for comment. The evidence that Cockenfeller is Penis-man's alter ego seems overwhelming. Fox news' own, reporter Lois Labia, uncovered the Penis-man costume when having an affair with Cockenfeller, whom is known as a notorious ladies man. When Labia confronted him about the costume, Mr. Cockenfeller admitted he was indeed the famous crime-fighter. Cockenfeller asked Labia not to "out him", but the story was to much for her to sit on, and Fox News ran with it.
Below is a short outline of Mr. Cockenfeller/ Penis-man's Life.
-- Finis Jerome Cockenfeller III is born.
-- His parents are murdered during a freak-show. "Lobsterman" is arrested the next day. He claims to have snapped after he noticed Mr. and Mrs. Cockenfeller gawking at him.
-- Cockenfeller III is raised by a kindly old Uncle with a fondness for young boys.
-- Cockenfeller III is struck by lightning while holding a dildo.
-- Cockenfeller III recovers from the lightning strike, but notices his body is changing in strange ways. His Uncle is not happy.
-- Penis-man appears for the first time. He saves a family of four after extinguishing a house fire with the biggest load of jizz the world has ever seen.
-- Penis-man's faithful sidekick is stomped to death by Neo-Nazis. R.I.P. NUTSACK, you will be missed.
-- Penis-man kills "Lobsterman" by dropping him into a large pot of boiling water. Some say you could hear him scream.
-- Finis J. Cockenfeller III holds a lobster-dinner-fundraiser that earns millions for charity.
I have to laugh when I look at these pictures. How did I never put it together before? It almost looks as if some asshole just drew a suit over the Penis-man picture, then added those "Buddy Holly" glasses.
What a lazy artist... Anyway....
I for one don't care who Penis-man's secret identity is. He is a hero, a true American, and a blessing to all that love freedom. If I'm ever in trouble, I hope that he is near.
Penis-man, you can blow your powerful load on me anytime! God bless you sir!
Want this image on a t-shirt and other great products? Check these links - PEN 15 CLUB STORE or our Printfection store
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Spooge Wowzer
Penis is at it again. This time he has an infomercial trying to sell some stupid rag. These are some "highlights" from Mr. Penis' latest venture.
--- "Hi it's Penis with Spooge Wowzer, It's like a chamois, a towel, a sponge. You can use it on your vibrator, your anal-beads, your blow-up doll. A normal towel doesn't work wet, this works soaked in semen or dry as a nun's vagina." "Spooge Wowzer holds 30 times it's weight in body fluids. Porn-stars use it as a towel, this thing will vacuum every last ounce of spooge right out of your anus. Gay porn-stars love this baby. Will it pull a gerbil out of your ass? I say yes, give it a try!" "It doesn't drip, doesn't let that vag fluid hit the carpet. You can cut it in half, put half under your balls, and put the other half between your girlfriend's tits." "Now here is the big thing, this is some semen, ball sweat, breast milk, anal fluid, all combined together. Now I'm going to dump this on some bed sheets, and when I lift the sheets, it has soaked through right into the mattress. That is what you don't want. I'm going to do this in real time, are you following me camera douche-bag? I add Spooge Wowzer and without applying any pressure, all of that fluid is vacuumed right out of the mattress." "Spooge Wowzer is amazing! It's made in Poland, you know the Polish always make great shit! Buy Spooge Wowzer today and you'll be yellin' "Wowzer" every fuckin' time!"
--- Well it's official to anyone who didn't already know, Penis is a complete tool. What is up with the headset? Don't buy this stupid rag, or you'll be saying "Dumbass" everytime you use it.
Want this image on a t-shirt and other great products? Check these links - PEN 15 CLUB STORE or our Printfection store
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